During our kayaking week I learned a lot about the presents of God, so I was extremely excited about my solo night. I prayed often that God would show me something miraculous, to let me experience something life changing!
The afternoon we split up I hiked the furthest away that I was able to, I wanted no distractions, I wanted to make myself available to have a supernatural encounter with God. I set up my sleeping area and began my evening.
 |
| As you can see, I have no tent. |
I started out by pushing my sleeping effects aside so I was just sitting on the tarp and I began to pray, I humbled myself like I thought would be the best way to, I was praying expectantly for a supernatural experience that night, and every time I opened my eyes I was disappointed that I didn't see Jesus sitting in front of me on the tarp, or even a Angel. So I would close my eyes tighter and believe harder, I thought my faith wasn't strong enough and that process lasted for an hour, until I got so frustrated with myself that I just gave up, I wasn't feeling God's presents, I wasn't hearing His voice....I was alone out in the middle of nowhere acting like a fool, so I went to sleep early, I was tired of trying so hard and not having my prayers even considered, I prayed that God would change my life forever that night and He didn't......that's what I thought anyway.
For me, that night was miserable, I felt so exposed after the sun went down, I kept imagining a mountain lion attacking me, I was completely taken over with fear, I hid deep in my sleeping bag, shaking and silently crying. And then, I couldn't believe it....but it started to rain....I hurriedly crawled out of my bag to cover all my gear and to fold my tarp over my sleeping bag. The wind began to pick up, blowing my tarp off of me. The last thing I wanted to do at the moment was wrestle with a wet tarp while in my bag.....I spent the entire night holding down the corner of the tarp by my head while it rained on and off. The raindrops on the tarp were so noisy I couldn't have slept even if I wasn't afraid for my life. I watched the sunrise and wished that I was back home in my bed, with a roof over my head instead of a tarp.
During breakfast and the remainder of that day I felt worthless, I started to believe that prayer didn't actually have any effect In my life, that or God didn't even care to show up. I felt like I had been stood up by God, and it sucked.
I was in a haze all day, I had been hurt and didn't care to be happy, or even try to be.
That night during lectures I had a realization, maybe God didn't show me any supernatural happenings because I didn't need it, I didn't need a sign to make me believe He exists, and that cheered me up enough to enjoy the rest of the trip.
I didn't realize until a few weeks later that he had answered my prayer, He had changed my life forever-He had started his teaching on faith without seeing, and I didn't fail my first exam.
The next trip we went on was backpacking, and I had the chance to try out a new kind of solo night.
 |
| I found out that I was seated right in the middle of the chipmunk high way, I made several new friends. They all loved to sit a safe distance away and look and listen to my music. |
Everything I did during my previous solo night I avoided doing this solo night. I hiked until I found a beautiful creek with a small waterfall and sat down and pulled out my ukulele, I started playing it and talking to God, it wasn't a formal prayer, I didn't close my eyes-I didn't have to, I could feel Him, I told Him that I just was going to hang out and play and that He could hang out with me if He wanted to ( I still remembered how lonely I felt during the last night) and the entire evening I could feel Him there, I had so much peace....it was incredible.
Now I'm learning what it looks like to actually have a personal relationship with God, just hang out with Him and have a nice time! :)
P.s.
Maybe He'll even give you a song to write like He did for me? Who knows what He'll do.
No comments:
Post a Comment